Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible
passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always
had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.
One day, he met a girl and fell in love.

When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought
to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage
with me carrying on like this" so he made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work,
his car broke down and since they lived in the country,
he telephoned his wife and told her that he
would be late because he had to walk.

On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma
of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles
to walk he thought he would walk off any ill effects before he got home.
So he went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans.

All the way home he farted. By the time he arrived home
he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and
seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the
most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"

She put a blindfold on him and led him to his chair at the
head of the table and made him promise not to peek.
At this point he was beginning to feel another fart coming on.
Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold,
the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she
returned and went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity.
He shifted his weight to one leg and let go.
It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg.
He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin
and fanned the air about him.

He had just started to feel better when another
urge came on. He raised his leg andrriiipppp!
It sounded like a diesel engine revving and smelled worse.
To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while,
hoping the smell would dissipate.

Things had just about returned to normal when he
felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight
to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner;
the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a
minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway,
and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like
this for the next 10 minutes, farting and then fanning
each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells (indicating the
end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin
on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.

Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when
his wife walked in. Apologising for taking so long,
she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring
her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled,
"SURPRISE!"  To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner
guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
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