- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack
on the butt and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em
next time" would pretty much do it.
- Birth control would come in ale or lager.
- Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th
so it would only occur in leap years.
- St. Patrick's Day would be celebrated every month.
- Garbage would take itself out.
- The only show opposite "Monday Night Football"
would be "Monday Night Football from a Different
- Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."
- Tanks would be far easier to rent.
- Two words... "Ally McNaked."
- When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck
answer you responded with would actually reduce
your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you
were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling
my beer all over the place." Cop :"Nice one, That's
- People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
- Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
- Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free
cards per year.
- The victors in any athletic competition would get
to kill and eat the losers.
- It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car,
as long as you returned it the following day with a
full tank of gas.
- Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you
could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand
that said "You're #1!"
- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you
during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the
corner of the screen during a time-out.
- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed
as an acceptable response to "I love you."
- The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
- "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night," would
be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
- At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and
you would jump out of your window and slide down
the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car
like Fred Flintstone.
- Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?"
[an error occurred while processing this directive]