When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future,
don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.

I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both
Dracula AND Superman away.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word
itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate
words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery,
and that's why so is mankind.

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king,
they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas
with some good ideas.

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash
is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff,
then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite
and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny
plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture,
is the story of Popeye.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they
ever press charges.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down?
We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography,
and the dancers hit each other.

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