RULES FOR YANKEES WHO MOVE TO THE SOUTH
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to
If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba"
You have a 75% chance of being right.
Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can.
Stay home the two days of the year that it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab
of a four-wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be
along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way.
This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Do not buy food at the movie store.
Remember "y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is
There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a Southern
accent. Unless it's a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
People walk slower here.
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't
understand you either.
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol", as in "big ol
truck" or "big ol boy." Eighty-five percent begin their new
Southern-influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent
are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised: The "He needed killin" defense is valid here.
If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last
shovelful of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey y'all , watch this" - stay out
of his way. These are likely the last words he'll ever say.
Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car
windshields that comes from yelling at other drivers.
The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until
If there is the prediction of even the slightest chance of even the
most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the
local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the
store or not, it is just something you are supposed to do. Buy bread
and milk like everyone else.
Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one,
it is supposed to be positioned right in front of your trailer. This
is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than
the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.
Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in
common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
In Southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and
Honor." You will also hear expressions such as "Laud, have mercy,"
"Good Laud," and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy."
As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone directly
in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a
model of vehicle known as John Deere and this is the proper speed and
lane position of that vehicle.
You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know
the positions of key hills, trees, and rocks, you're better off trying
to find it yourself.