The annual "Take-Your-Daughter-To-Work Day" was a huge success. Parents of both genders - reportedly as much as sixty-five percent of the American workforce - participated.

Kimberly Corleontini, 13, gushed with excitement as she described her day with dad. "It was way cool! In the morning, we shook down a few restaurant owners for protection money, and in the afternoon we cut and shipped over thirty kilos of horse. Daddy even let me stab a guy with an icepick. I can't wait until next year!" Her father, Carlos "Three Toes" Corleontini, is a mid-level executive with the Cleveland Mob.

Kimberly's cousin, Theresa, had a slightly different take on her day at work. "Those laundry rooms are really sucky places to spend time in. I didn't like it." She had spent the day with her father in the Ohio State Penitentiary.

"I had no idea what my father did all day long. Now I can see what a busy man he really is," said seventeen-year-old Elizabeth Allen, daughter of AT&T CEO Robert Allen. "We spent the whole day laying people off and eliminating jobs,which was sad because they were like, you know, crying and stuff. The cool part was I got a $3,000,000 bonus, which really cheered me up."

Nine-year-old Tanya Hendricks spent the day in a patrol car with her mother, Sergeant Patricia Hendricks of the Riverside, CA Sherriff's Department. "My arms are so tired I couldn't even pick up a nightstick, much less beat an illegal alien with it. My mom works really hard!"

On the international front, daughters in the Middle East spent the day alongside their parents, participating in the traditional activities of killing each other for no apparent reason. In Hollywood, Tanya Spelling, six, daughter of Aaron Spelling, took a turn at producing several television series. According to early reviews, it resulted in the most intelligent television programming in decades.
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