- How does a man show he's planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

- How do men exercise on the beach?

By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

- What's the smartest thing a man can say?

"My wife says..."

Men are like ... coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like ... remote controls
Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.

Men are like ... old car tires
Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.
A woman is driving down the road at the same time.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window
and yells "PIG!" The man immediately leans out his window
and shouts back "BI%@$!"

They continue on their way. As the man rounds the next corner,
he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

If only men would listen.

- What do men and lava lamps have in common??
They are pretty to look at, but not very bright!

- Why can't a woman find a kind, caring, compassionate man??
'Cause all those men already have boyfriends!

- How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb??
None! They never get the house!
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