- Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds
  of conversation.

- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack
  on the butt and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em
  next time" would pretty much do it.

- Birth control would come in ale or lager.

- Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th
  so it would only occur in leap years.

- St. Patrick's Day would be celebrated every month.

- Garbage would take itself out.

- The only show opposite "Monday Night Football"
  would be "Monday Night Football from a Different
  Camera Angle."

- Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."

- Tanks would be far easier to rent.

- Two words... "Ally McNaked."

- When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck
  answer you responded with would actually reduce
  your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you
  were going?"  You: "All I know is, I was spilling
  my beer all over the place." Cop :"Nice one, That's
  $10.00 off".

- People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

- Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

- Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free
  cards per year.

- The victors in any athletic competition would get
  to kill and eat the losers.

- It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car,
  as long as you returned it the following day with a
  full tank of gas.

- Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you
  could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand
  that said "You're #1!"

- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you
  during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the
  corner of the screen during a time-out.

- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed
  as an acceptable response to "I love you."

- The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

- "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night," would
  be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

- At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and
  you would jump out of your window and slide down
  the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car
  like Fred Flintstone.

- Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?"
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