You Know You Need A New Lawyer When...

1. During your initial consultation the lawyer tries to sell you Amway.

2. A lawyer tells you that her/his last good case was a "Budweiser."

3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

4. Your lawyer picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

5. During the trial you catch your lawyer playing her/his Gameboy.

6. Your lawyer asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

7. A prison guard is shaving your head.

8. Every couple of minutes your lawyer yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the
stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

9. Your lawyer frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.

10. Your lawyer places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

11. Your lawyer begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."

12. Your lawyer keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.

13. Just before trial starts your lawyer whispers, "The judge is the one
with the little hammer, right?"

14. Just before your lawyer says "Your Honor," he/she makes those little
quotation marks in the air with her/his fingers.

15. The sign in front of your lawyer's law office reads "Practicing Law
Since 2:25 PM."

16. Whenever your lawyer's objection is overruled, he/she tells the judge,

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